Funniest Van Story

I don't know how amusing this will be to anyone other than myself, but...

Back in college I had a gig delivering pizzas in my 2nd Gen Chevy. I would plop the pizzas on the engine cover and off I would go to make the delivery. One really rainy evening, during Monday Night Football, I was out looking for a particular address. Driving down the road at a pretty good speed I realized I was about to miss my turn, so I slammed on the brakes. The next thing I knew, the pizza had slid off the dog house and landed upside down next to my feet. I pulled over and opened the heat-retaining bag thing and cardboard box, to discover the pizza kind of like a semi-rolled up wet towel. I got the crust mostly back to round, but that now really melted/greased up topping mess..... I guess I kind of did my best to mash it back out as best I could. Well, when I delivered it it was dark, and it was to a bunch of dudes that must have been watching the game(And drinking heavily I hoped). They took the pizza and I sped off hoping I wouldn't return to an angry boss with that "That last delivery just called and complained" look.

When I got back, everything was fine and no one had called to complain.


Any other funny van stories out there?

Well That sounds to familiar. I used to manage a Pizza Restaurant...and my driver, whome I just hired, walked out the door swinging the warming bag..OMG, like it was some sort of toy. Needless to say, i retrieved the beyond recognizable pizza and wished him luck at his next job...hmmmmm I thought you looked familiar...jk..lol

were still getting pizzas here just like that !! Good story!!

Guy's thats just why I always pick up mt own pizzas

When I was 12 going on 13 (8th grade) I thought it would be fun to quietly roll my dads mitsubishi out of the driveway one night with a friend and cruise the streets of Arlington and Grand Prairie, TX. We were out for a few hours playing dukes of hazard, had a few scares and close calls. Get this not even 5min from my house on the way home I decide to take a short cut through a theater parking lot close to the house that connected to a street near mine. I was going a bit to fast and cut the steering wheel. Needless to say I flipped the van. It came to a stop on the drivers side after sliding what seemed like forever. Of corse I didnt have my seat belt on and my window was down. Scared the hell out of me when the sparks were shooting up at my face. Somehow I didnt get a scratch or bruise on me, but my buddy had bruised ribs from hanging above me by the seatbelt. Some adults near by were witness to the entire ordeal and brought my friend and I home where I had to wake up my dad. Lets just say the rest in history and the van looked like a tornado hit it.

HMMM,my van club was on a run to a party at the beach one night and since my van had no motor I rode with my friend Brian West and some other friends. We were drinking heavily and Brian was drinking Red Mountain wine in a one gallon jug. He finished the wine and decided he had to take a leak but couldn't pull over so he decided to use the wine bottle and take a leak while driving. He took his eyes off the road to do it and swerved over into the lane to the left of us and the guy riding shotgun (Bill) grabbed the wheel but pulled to hard to the right and the van went over on its side sliding off the freeway onto the ice plant covering the side of the freeway which caused Brian to drop the wine bottle and needless to say caused him to urinate all over himself and Bill. When the van came to a stop Brian and Bill were dripping from urine from their heads to their feet. I was in the back laughing my butt off (I was on some good LSD at the time). The CHP came along and you should have heard Brian trying to explain the accident and the fact Bill and him were covered in urine.

Great story vanishingbreed.

Glad im not the only one who has been in a van sliding on its side. I was 12 at the time though so no drugs needed, we were high on hormones. haha

For you old timers the LSD was Orange Sunshine. Another time we were on a run to the Colorado Rive with 32 half barrel kegs of beer. My friend Rodger had one in his van and was pretty drunk. Anyway he swerved hard for some reason and the full keg hit his side doors hard enough to knock the doors open and the keg went bouncing down I40 causing those behind him to swerve all over the place to avoid hitting the keg. Funny thing about it was Rodger was so drunk he didn't what happened until we got to the river and someone told him.

We were on a run to a Van happening in Soledad Sands back in the seventies and a member (Wild Bill) decided to roll a joint but not just any joint. He took a pound of weed and rolled it up in a newspaper page and we passed it from van to van (about 70 of our vans) on the I5 for several miles when we had to pull over to get gas. You should have seen the gas station attendants eyes pop when we started walking around the lot passing that huge joint around. We got to Soledad Sands and one of our members who was drunk and high talked his girlfriend into having sex with him on top of his van while another member drove the van around the lot for everyone at the van happening to see. She had her bra and panties hooked on the CB radio antenna (8' whip). the cheers we heard could rival those at a Super Bowl game. Later a young lady that hung around our club a lot decided she would take every guy that would get into her van so I would say about 0 guys lined up (all drunk) when one of our members (Big Ernie) decided to light another club members (Rodger) levis on fire. He lit the bottom of Rodgers pant leg on fire and Rodgers dancing could have won Dancing With the stars.

something tells me you are laughing as you type these stories.

Yes but I laughed a lot more watching them happen. After almost forty years of vanning I have seen a lot of funny things happen.

chester42 wrote:Guy's thats just why I always pick up mt own pizzas

+1!

The wife and I were camping in the van (1978 E-150) once and she woke me up in the wee hours saying "someones coming". Sure enough I look out the side windows and there's an older monte carlo idling with the lights on about 20 yards away.

This skinny white kid gets out of the passenger side and comes over to check the passenger door on the van. It's locked so he comes around to the drivers side and checks that handle as well, it's also locked.

Keep in mind that the windows are blacked out and I'm now kneeling behind the drivers captains chair watching this kid through the window. He elbows the wing window on the drivers door, reaches in and unlocks the door and plops his butt in the drivers seat.

He rummages around in the dash and console for a minute, flashlight in hand, and finally turns around to his right so he can see whats in the back to steal. He got turned about 3/4 of the way when I stuck the barrel of my nickel sidearm over the end of his nose.

I took his wallet, had my wife make positive ID from his drivers license to his face and let him go (I had no interest in getting into a physical altercation with this guy in my underwear). I made a police report on him and come to find out he walked. The court did not notify me of the court date and his mother testified that he had "lost his wallet" and that thief was the one that I had caught.

The look on his face was priceless at the time anyway...

Other than that it's a lot of shenanigans with the wife and I camping in the conversion van at biker rally's, I'll spare you the details of that.

should have just unloaded that sidearm!!

Those are some "AWESOME" stories!!!!!!

Then there was this one time, at Van Camp, when...

Lincoln Park Lagoon circa Summer of '81. Because of urban legend, several of tried to push start my first '66 even though it had an automatic. Recently found out that it had been a '65, we may have got it going. Learned soon enough to carry jumper cables, because big 2 dudes getting a ride home in the back seat of a '76 Firebird Esprit is way too big of a sausage fest for me.

That's all I got...